Lessons from life
Looking back at my own life, I realise what a short-sighted, brash and rigid person I was. I had some views on things, and I was convinced that I was right and anyone disagreeing with me was wrong. I also did not take to disagreement kindly, often retorting rudely. Call it the brashness of youth, or whatever else, today at 36, I realise what it means when people say that experience teaches you a lot of lessons.
I started working in 2002, and since then, I have seen a bit more of the world, been through some tough times, met a lot of people, including some who pretend to be well wishers, and have had to make several choices in life, not all of which have been easy.
As youngsters, there is an innate sense of rebellion that we invariably have, and we feel that what elders tell us need not always be what is right for us. And yet, as a father to a 19 month old boy today, I can't help but feel that my thinking is much more aligned with the kind of people we'd happily categorize as 'south indian mamas' earlier in life.
So here are some things I have learnt out of my experiences. I'm sure I'll think of some more to add to this list later, but here's a preliminary list all the same:
a. We often end up labelling people as good,or bad,or selfish, or generous, or miserly, or cheap and so on. Most of the time, we are unaware of their circumstances and what prompted them to act in a certain way. We do not know what tragedy someone is trying to put out of their mind, we do not know who has been unfortunate to lose a parent or a spouse very early in life, we do not know what mental stress someone is going through, we do not know who has just lost his job being the sole bread winner for a family, we do not know who is living thousands of miles away from his family only to earn a means of livelihood. The people we sometimes make fun of, are, in fact unfortunate people who may not have the kind of privileges or luxuries that we do.
b. Having a few friends who will stand by you, no matter what, is any day better than having hordes of friends everywhere you go, but who will not even worry about you when you go through bad times. Very few people will actually stand by you through good times and bad. They are the ones you should drop everything for and tend to, when they need help or support.
c. Reacting when you are angry is possibly the worst way to react. Whether it is replying to someone, or making a promise, or taking a decision, it is important to be aware of when you are agitated and therefore likely to take an irrational course of action. Find a way to manage anger, and act once you have managed to overcome your anger. Most of the time, we end up saying or doing things in anger which we would never do with a calm mind. And we end up regretting later. If you cannot control your anger, find a way to ensure that you do not react to anyone in an angry state, and more importantly, do not express anger on an innocent person who was not responsible for making you angry in the first place.
d. At work, always remember that colleagues are colleagues, not friends. Do not expect people to act in your best interest always. Everyone has the right to do what is best for himself, and that may not be best for you. Do not expect compassion and consideration from colleagues.
e. Always keep in mind which are the people and relationships that matter to you. Once you are sure of what matters, do not let anything that anyone else says or does affect you. People who do not matter to you should not be allowed to affect your happiness or your equation with people who do matter.
f. Some amount of tension is good to keep us motivated, but getting tensed for things that are beyond your control is useless. All it serves to do is distract from the goals we chase.
g. You will not be lucky always, and neither will you be unlucky always. When things aren't going right, you can't do much except keeping the faith that 'this too shall pass'. I have also realised that everything that happens to us in life, ultimately leads to something good. Just that when we go through a tough phase, we don't realise it. Quite often, when I sit back and think, I realise that even the worst period of my life did give me some experiences that were valued at other times. Similarly, when you go through a phase of good fortune, remain humble about it. Treat people with respect always, because you never know when circumstances may change, and you are at the mercy of someone you looked down upon.
h. Don't worry over decisions that went wrong. All decisions we make in life are relative to our circumstances at different stages of life. Hindsight is great to have, but most often,we make decisions based on our current set of circumstances, and the amount of information available to us right now. Just make sure to learn from misjudgements,so you don't repeat them.
i. As a bright young college student, I genuinely thought that the world was mine to conquer. Once you step out into the world, you realise that you aren't the only bright one around. There are many many people who are as smart, or smarter than you. Try and be with people who are better than you, because that forces you to step your game up.
j. Try to identify what motivates you and what is not your cup of tea. No one individual can be good at everything under the sun. The sooner you identify what is and what isn't for you, the better the career choices you make, and better the chances that you find happiness in what you do.
k. Stay in touch with people. School friends, college friends, old colleagues, ex-bosses etc can help you in unexpected ways. Whether it is finding a house in a new city, recommendations for a school to put your child in, sharing your CV when you want a job change, helping your aged parents when you are in a different city, getting an opinion before accepting a job offer etc, known contacts will always work better than unknown ones.
I'm possibly sounding like a preachy uncle, but if some youngsters happen to read this, I do hope it benefits them.
I started working in 2002, and since then, I have seen a bit more of the world, been through some tough times, met a lot of people, including some who pretend to be well wishers, and have had to make several choices in life, not all of which have been easy.
As youngsters, there is an innate sense of rebellion that we invariably have, and we feel that what elders tell us need not always be what is right for us. And yet, as a father to a 19 month old boy today, I can't help but feel that my thinking is much more aligned with the kind of people we'd happily categorize as 'south indian mamas' earlier in life.
So here are some things I have learnt out of my experiences. I'm sure I'll think of some more to add to this list later, but here's a preliminary list all the same:
a. We often end up labelling people as good,or bad,or selfish, or generous, or miserly, or cheap and so on. Most of the time, we are unaware of their circumstances and what prompted them to act in a certain way. We do not know what tragedy someone is trying to put out of their mind, we do not know who has been unfortunate to lose a parent or a spouse very early in life, we do not know what mental stress someone is going through, we do not know who has just lost his job being the sole bread winner for a family, we do not know who is living thousands of miles away from his family only to earn a means of livelihood. The people we sometimes make fun of, are, in fact unfortunate people who may not have the kind of privileges or luxuries that we do.
b. Having a few friends who will stand by you, no matter what, is any day better than having hordes of friends everywhere you go, but who will not even worry about you when you go through bad times. Very few people will actually stand by you through good times and bad. They are the ones you should drop everything for and tend to, when they need help or support.
c. Reacting when you are angry is possibly the worst way to react. Whether it is replying to someone, or making a promise, or taking a decision, it is important to be aware of when you are agitated and therefore likely to take an irrational course of action. Find a way to manage anger, and act once you have managed to overcome your anger. Most of the time, we end up saying or doing things in anger which we would never do with a calm mind. And we end up regretting later. If you cannot control your anger, find a way to ensure that you do not react to anyone in an angry state, and more importantly, do not express anger on an innocent person who was not responsible for making you angry in the first place.
d. At work, always remember that colleagues are colleagues, not friends. Do not expect people to act in your best interest always. Everyone has the right to do what is best for himself, and that may not be best for you. Do not expect compassion and consideration from colleagues.
e. Always keep in mind which are the people and relationships that matter to you. Once you are sure of what matters, do not let anything that anyone else says or does affect you. People who do not matter to you should not be allowed to affect your happiness or your equation with people who do matter.
f. Some amount of tension is good to keep us motivated, but getting tensed for things that are beyond your control is useless. All it serves to do is distract from the goals we chase.
g. You will not be lucky always, and neither will you be unlucky always. When things aren't going right, you can't do much except keeping the faith that 'this too shall pass'. I have also realised that everything that happens to us in life, ultimately leads to something good. Just that when we go through a tough phase, we don't realise it. Quite often, when I sit back and think, I realise that even the worst period of my life did give me some experiences that were valued at other times. Similarly, when you go through a phase of good fortune, remain humble about it. Treat people with respect always, because you never know when circumstances may change, and you are at the mercy of someone you looked down upon.
h. Don't worry over decisions that went wrong. All decisions we make in life are relative to our circumstances at different stages of life. Hindsight is great to have, but most often,we make decisions based on our current set of circumstances, and the amount of information available to us right now. Just make sure to learn from misjudgements,so you don't repeat them.
i. As a bright young college student, I genuinely thought that the world was mine to conquer. Once you step out into the world, you realise that you aren't the only bright one around. There are many many people who are as smart, or smarter than you. Try and be with people who are better than you, because that forces you to step your game up.
j. Try to identify what motivates you and what is not your cup of tea. No one individual can be good at everything under the sun. The sooner you identify what is and what isn't for you, the better the career choices you make, and better the chances that you find happiness in what you do.
k. Stay in touch with people. School friends, college friends, old colleagues, ex-bosses etc can help you in unexpected ways. Whether it is finding a house in a new city, recommendations for a school to put your child in, sharing your CV when you want a job change, helping your aged parents when you are in a different city, getting an opinion before accepting a job offer etc, known contacts will always work better than unknown ones.
I'm possibly sounding like a preachy uncle, but if some youngsters happen to read this, I do hope it benefits them.
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